Being Your Own Best Friend: Carrying Your Own Tools for Healing

Being Your Own Best Friend: Carrying Your Own Tools for Healing

We all carry things with us. Ladies have purses, men have wallets or briefcases. But what do we carry for ourselves emotionally? What tools do we have to help us cope with stress, anxiety, and the challenges life throws our way? Sometimes, after trauma, we look for others to fill us up. We try to be the ones who lift others, but then we end up empty ourselves, isolated, and hurt all over again. It’s easy to get stuck in that cycle. I know I have.

I can be honest with you—I've made those mistakes before. I didn’t know how to set clear boundaries, I didn’t value myself the way I should, and most importantly, I didn’t know how to be a friend to me. It’s easy to think we need others to fill the gaps in our hearts, but the truth is, we have to first learn how to fill ourselves. We have to be our own best friends.

Being your own best friend isn’t about shutting others out—it’s about knowing your worth and understanding that you deserve love, care, and respect from yourself first. It’s about recognizing that we can’t always rely on others to complete us, but we can start by completing ourselves, by building the self-compassion, boundaries, and strength that will help us navigate the ups and downs of life.

One of the ways I do this is by having an “anti-stress bag.” It’s kind of like my little toolbox for emotional support. Inside, I have a few things that help me reset my mind when anxiety creeps in. For me, crossword puzzles are one of those things. But I don’t just do them the usual way. I go through the answers first, save them, and treat them like a quiz. This re-framing technique helps me shift my thoughts, especially on tough days. I use the puzzles to rewire my brain, almost like a little mental exercise.

Another tool in my bag is bubbles. I know, it might sound silly, but hear me out—blowing bubbles has been shown to reduce anxiety. The act of blowing bubbles is calming, and it helps you focus on your breath. Research suggests that this simple act can lower stress levels and promote relaxation. It’s like a mini break for your mind. The bubbles don’t just float away—they give me a chance to reset, breathe deeply, and let go of the tension that builds up.

I also carry tea bags with me. Sometimes, when I’m out and about—especially at bookstores or restaurants—I want something calming, and I know my go-to tea might not be available. So, I always keep a few tea bags with me. I ask for hot water, steep my tea, and take that moment to pause. It’s like a little ritual of self-care that helps me ground myself in the present.

Having these small things with me is my way of taking care of myself when life gets overwhelming. You might have your own tools—maybe it’s a journal, a fidget spinner, or even a comforting picture you carry. Whatever it is, it’s important to have something you can turn to when anxiety hits. These tools remind me that I am my own best friend, and that’s one of the most powerful lessons we can learn on the healing journey.

So, I encourage you to think about what’s in your toolbox for anxiety. What can you carry with you? What can you rely on when things feel heavy? Start building your anti-stress bag. Fill it with things that bring you comfort, that help you breathe and reset. When life feels overwhelming, these little things can be a reminder that you are worthy of care, that you can be your own best friend, and that you have the strength to carry on, one step at a time.

Kathe'rine