New Post
Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage: Navigating Faith, Values, and Sexual Trauma
When preparing for marriage, it’s essential to ask the right questions—especially for women of faith who have survived sexual trauma. Understanding each other’s values, views on faith, and expectations for marriage can strengthen your foundation. Additionally, discussing sensitive topics such as sex and intimacy, especially in light of past trauma, can promote healing and ensure a supportive and loving partnership. Below are some grounding questions to help navigate these conversations with love, care, and understanding.
---
1. How Do We See Our Faith in This Marriage?
Faith can be the cornerstone of many marriages, and understanding how you both view its role is crucial.
Prompt:
How do you see us growing together in faith? What role does prayer, worship, and trust in God play in our relationship as we move forward?
---
2. What Are Our Core Values?
Knowing and aligning on core values is essential for building a life together.
Prompt:
What values are most important to you, and how do you think those will shape our marriage? How can we ensure our marriage is rooted in values that guide us through all challenges, including the emotional impact of past trauma?
---
3. How Do We Approach Sexual Intimacy?
For survivors of sexual trauma, discussing sex and intimacy with their partner can be deeply personal and necessary for healing. Understanding each other’s comfort levels, desires, and needs helps build trust.
Prompt:
How do you view sexual intimacy in our marriage? How can we ensure that sex is a safe, loving, and healing experience for both of us, especially considering any past trauma? What do you need from me for us to have a healthy and connected sexual relationship?
---
4. How Can We Support Healing from Sexual Trauma?
If sexual trauma is part of your or your partner’s past, it’s important to talk about how healing and recovery will be integrated into the marriage.
Prompt:
What do you need from me to support your healing process from past trauma? How do we build trust and openness when it comes to discussing difficult feelings or triggers related to sexual trauma?
---
5. What Is Your Perspective on Sexuality and Its Role in Marriage?
Sex and sexuality can mean different things to different people, especially for those with a history of trauma. Discussing values around sex is essential for creating mutual respect and understanding.
Prompt:
What does healthy sexuality look like for you in our marriage? How can we honor each other’s experiences, boundaries, and needs in a way that fosters emotional connection and trust?
---
6. How Do We Handle Conflict and Healing Together?
Conflict is a part of every relationship, but understanding how to handle it and grow through it is key. It’s important to consider how trauma can affect reactions during conflict and ensure compassionate communication.
Prompt:
How do you deal with conflict, and how can we make sure we handle disagreements in a way that is healing, not hurtful? How do we practice patience and forgiveness as we navigate any emotional scars or past trauma?
---
7. What Does Commitment Mean in Light of Our Past Experiences?
Commitment in marriage is lifelong, and for survivors of trauma, it can carry extra significance. Knowing that your partner will stand by you, no matter what, is crucial for building trust.
Prompt:
What does commitment mean to you, especially when it comes to supporting one another through healing and personal challenges? How do we ensure that our love remains strong, even when we are working through the impact of trauma?
---
8. How Will We Support Each Other’s Growth, Both Individually and as a Couple?
Marriage should allow room for both partners to grow as individuals. This includes the emotional and spiritual growth needed to heal from past trauma.
Prompt:
How do we continue to support each other’s personal growth while maintaining our bond as a couple? How can we make space for healing and ensure that both of us feel heard and supported throughout our journey?
---
9. How Do We Foster Trust and Vulnerability?
For survivors of sexual trauma, vulnerability can be difficult. It’s important to talk about how you can both build an environment of safety and trust.
Prompt:
What does vulnerability look like for you in our marriage? How can I make sure you feel safe, and how can you support me in being open and honest as we build a life together?
---
10. What Are Our Shared Goals for Sexual and Emotional Intimacy?
Defining what healthy, loving intimacy looks like is crucial for a fulfilling marriage. Past trauma can shape expectations and needs, so it’s important to align on what you want from your emotional and sexual connection.
Prompt:
What does emotional and sexual intimacy look like for you in marriage? How can we nurture that connection while honoring the healing journey we may need to take together?
---
By asking these questions, you are creating a solid foundation for your marriage—one built on mutual respect, love, and understanding. Whether you’ve experienced sexual trauma or not, these conversations are essential for building a relationship that honors both partners’ emotional and spiritual needs. With God's
guidance and a compassionate approach, you can nurture a love that is healing, fulfilling, and lasting.
With compassion and hope,
Kathe'rine