How to Support a Friend Who Has Been Recently Assaulted: A Guide for Friends
How to Support a Friend Who Has Been Recently Assaulted: A Guide for Friends
When someone you care about has been sexually assaulted, it’s normal to feel unsure of how to help. You want to be there for them, but you may not know the right things to say or do. Here are some steps you can take to support your friend while helping them feel safe and understood.
1. Listen Without Judgment
The most important thing you can do is listen. Your friend may want to talk about their experience, or they may not. Respect their choice. If they do open up, let them lead the conversation. Avoid interrupting or asking too many questions—just listen. Your role is to provide a safe space for them to express their feelings.
2. Believe Them
One of the most damaging things a survivor can experience is not being believed. Let your friend know that you believe them, without question. Say things like:
"I believe you."
"I’m so sorry this happened to you."
"This wasn’t your fault."
3. Reassure Them It’s Not Their Fault
Survivors often feel shame or guilt after an assault, even though it’s never their fault. Remind your friend that what happened to them wasn’t because of anything they did. Statements like "It’s not your fault" or "You didn’t deserve this" can be comforting and affirming.
4. Respect Their Decisions
Your friend may not be ready to take certain steps, like reporting the assault or seeking professional help, right away. Respect their decisions and support them in whatever they choose to do. You can offer suggestions, but it’s important not to pressure them into doing something they’re not ready for.
5. Offer Practical Support
After an assault, simple tasks can feel overwhelming. Offer to help in practical ways, such as:
Driving them to appointments or staying with them if they need company.
Assisting with household tasks like cooking or cleaning.
Helping them look up resources, such as local crisis centers or therapy services, if they express interest.
6. Encourage Them to Seek Help, When They’re Ready
While it’s important not to force your friend into action, gently encourage them to seek professional support when they’re ready. This could be from a therapist, a doctor, or a local crisis center. Provide resources, but let them take the lead in deciding when and how to seek help.
Some helpful resources include:
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): rainn.org
7. Be Patient and Present
Healing takes time, and your friend might not seem "okay" for a while—and that’s completely normal. Be patient with them and continue to show up, whether that’s with a text to check in, inviting them to go for a walk, or just being available when they need someone.
8. Encourage Self-Care
Encourage your friend to take care of themselves in whatever way feels right for them. This could include getting enough rest, eating well, or engaging in activities that bring them comfort and peace. If they’re struggling with this, offer gentle reminders or even suggest doing a calming activity together.
9. Respect Their Privacy
Your friend’s experience is theirs to share when they feel comfortable. Don’t tell others about what happened without their permission, even if you think you’re helping. Let them control who knows about the assault.
10. Know Your Own Limits
Supporting a friend through this can be emotionally taxing for you as well. It’s okay to feel upset or overwhelmed. Be sure to take care of your own mental health by talking to someone you trust, practicing self-care, or seeking professional help for yourself if needed.
Quick Reminders for Supporting a Friend:
Be present – Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.
Be patient – Healing isn’t a linear process.
Be empowering – Remind them of their strength and worth.
